[Thespiritexpress] My Poem Read at "Being" Group yesterday

[Toni Bernbaum]

Shadow in the Sun

(written after reading “The Sun” 
           by David Whyte.
          “I want to be courageous in my terror.”)


I’ve stared too long at the sun. 
Everything forgotten in the burn of retina -
the shadow of terror rises like noon without prohibition,
darkens my shape against the pavement,
I run like a spider
beneath the foot of fear coming down on me,
I have no courage in the wake of threats
to my loved ones, the horrors of war,
the consequence of deprivation,
the brutal suffering of unconscious life.

It is coming for me now, I see it riding 
the pendulum, swinging its arc over the brick wall,
having lept the moat and deployed the alarm,
sneaking through the back door of my pelvis, 
slinking up the  stairs of my spine,  midnight skull cap
over its head, 
long fingers stretching toward my neck, its nails curling into my scalp
dropping its dark, heavy, coat over my head -

my knees on ice trembling and bending, 
begging,  lord have mercy
it slides it’s bony arm
around my waist and escorts me to the door.

And if the hand of God slaps it’s knee again,
astonished at what we humans believe
over and over, and if I forget, and slip
into the swirl of doubt that swallows my mind
so that the sun goes out,
and I believe I am separate, 
helpless and alone

Then, please, please, let me  
be courageous in my terror 
and remember…
I am not my fear.
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