<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=us-ascii"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space;"><div><blockquote type="cite"><div style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><div text="#000000" bgcolor="#ffffff"><div style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; position: static; z-index: auto;"><div class="yahoo_quoted" style="display: block;"><div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: HelveticaNeue,'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif;"><div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: HelveticaNeue,'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif;"><div class="y_msg_container"><div id="yiv7930489946"><div><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><div>What a good idea!</div>
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<div><span style="">Elderly Banking... </span><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>Shown below, is
an actual letter that was </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>sent to a bank by
an 86 year old woman. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>The bank manager
thought it amusing enough </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>to have it
published in the New York Times. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
</b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>Dear Sir: </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>I am writing to
thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my
plumber last month. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>By my
calculations, 3 seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the
check and the arrival </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>in my account of
the funds needed to honor it. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>I refer, of
course, to the automatic monthly deposit </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>I admit, has been
in place for only eight years. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>You are to be
commended for seizing that </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>brief window of
opportunity, and also for </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>debiting my
account $30 by way of penalty </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>for the
inconvenience caused to your bank. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>My thankfulness
springs from the manner in </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>which this
incident has caused me to rethink my </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>errant financial
ways. I noticed that whereas I </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>personally answer
your phone calls and letters, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>--- when I try to
contact you, I am confronted </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>faceless entity
which your bank has become. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>From now on, I,
like you, choose only to </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>My mortgage and
loan repayments will therefore </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>will arrive at
your bank, by check, addressed </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>personally and
confidentially to an employee </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>at your bank whom
you must nominate. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Be aware that it
is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an
envelope. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Please find
attached an Application Contact which </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>I require your
chosen employee to complete. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>I am sorry it
runs to eight pages, but in order </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>that I know as
much about him or her as your </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>bank knows about
me, there is no alternative. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Please note that
all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a
Notary Public, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>and the mandatory
details of his/her financial </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>must be
accompanied by documented proof. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>In due course, at
MY convenience, I will issue </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>your employee
with a PIN number which </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>he/she must quote
in dealings with me. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>I regret that it
cannot be shorter than 28 digits </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>but, again, I
have modeled it on the number </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>of button presses
required of me to access </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>my account
balance on your phone bank service. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>As they say,
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Let me level the
playing field even further. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>When you call me,
press buttons as follows: </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>IMMEDIATELY AFTER
DIALING, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>PRESS THE STAR
(*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>1. To make an
appointment to see me. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>2 To query a
missing payment. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#3. To transfer
the call to my living </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>room in case I
am there. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#4 To transfer
the call to my bedroom </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>in case I am
sleeping. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#5. To transfer
the call to my toilet </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>in case I am
attending to nature. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#6. To transfer
the call to my mobile </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>phone if I am not
at home. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#7. To leave a
message on my computer, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>a password to
access my computer is required. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Password will be
communicated to you at a later </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#8. To return to
the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 again </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#9. To make a
general complaint or inquiry. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>The contact will
then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>#10. This is a
second reminder to press* for English. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration of the call. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Regrettably, but
again following your example, </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>I must also levy
an establishment fee to cover </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>the setting up of
this new arrangement. </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>May I wish you a
happy, if ever so </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>slightly less
prosperous New Year? </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""></span><span style=""></span> </div>
<div><b>Your Humble
Client </b><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style=""><br>
<b>And remember: </b></span><span style=""></span></div>
<div><b>Don't make old
people mad,</b><b style="font-size: 12pt;"> it doesn't
take much to piss us off.</b></div><div><span style=""></span></div>
<div><span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 64);"> </span><span style=""></span></div>
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