<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=windows-1252"><base href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/03/ryan-budget-plan-gets-endorsement-from-ayn-rand.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(92)"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><div><br><div style="font-family: Futura; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><base href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/03/ryan-budget-plan-gets-endorsement-from-ayn-rand.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(92)"><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareWrapperClass" contenteditable="false"><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareSharedContentClass" applecontenteditable="true" style="position: relative !important; "><div class="original-url" style="text-align: center; "><span style="font-family: Palatino, Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 1.4; "><font size="4"><b>RYAN BUDGET PLAN GETS ENDORSEMENT FROM AYN RAND</b></font></span></div><div id="article" onscroll="articleScrolled();" class="auto-hyphenated" style="-webkit-hyphens: auto; "><div class="page" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 14px; font-family: Palatino, Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 1.4; text-align: justify; "><p><img alt="ayn-rand-with-cig-233.jpg" src="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/ayn-rand-with-cig-233.jpg" width="233" height="346" class="reader-image-large" style="float: none; margin: auto auto 0.75em; max-width: 100%; height: auto; display: block; "></p><p style="font-size: 16px; "><b>WASHINGTON</b>—Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) was jubilant today after his newly unveiled budget plan picked up a key endorsement from the novelist Ayn Rand.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; ">It was a rare public utterance for the late Ms. Rand, who has been damned to eternal torment in Satan’s lake of fire since 1982.</p><div style="font-size: 16px; "><p>“This is a budget I wish I had written,” said Ms. Rand, pausing to scream as white-hot flames licked her face. “Paul Ryan is a great man and I look forward to meeting him someday.”</p><p>Rep. Ryan acknowledged Ms. Rand’s praise with humility, telling reporters, “There’s no trick to cutting $4.6 trillion once you take a hard look at failed ideas of the past, such as the social contract.”</p><p>Mr. Ryan added, “Unlike the Democrats’ plan, my budget has new ideas, like cutting two of the four food groups and classifying large sodas as medicine.”</p><p>Ms. Rand’s thumbs-up capped a victory lap of sorts for Mr. Ryan, who earlier in the day garnered an endorsement from Marie Antoinette.</p><p><br></p></div></div></div></span><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareUserContentBottomClass" applecontenteditable="true" style="line-height: 14px !important; text-align: left !important; "><br></span></span></div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"></div><br></body></html>