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margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; clear: left; "><div id="entry-2000000002082892" class="hentry entry single" style="border: 0px; margin: 5px 0px 25px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; overflow: visible; "><div class="published" title="2013-01-02T15:26:40" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 10px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(136, 136, 136); ">JANUARY 2, 2013</div><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 18px; text-transform: uppercase; font-family: neutra-2-text-n7, neutra-2-text-1; line-height: 18px; ">REPUBLICANS APOLOGIZE TO TOP 1.5 PER CENT</h1><div class="byline" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 8px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; display: inline; font-size: 12px; font-family: neutra-2-text-n4, neutra-2-text-1, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; text-transform: uppercase; float: left; width: 465px; ">POSTED BY <cite class="vcard author" style="font-style: normal; "><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/bios/andy_borowitz/search?contributorName=Andy%20Borowitz" title="search site for content by Andy Borowitz" rel="author" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; outline: 0px; ">ANDY BOROWITZ</a></cite></div><div class="social-utils-top" style="border-width: 1px 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-bottom-style: solid; border-top-color: rgb(226, 226, 226); border-bottom-color: rgb(226, 226, 226); margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; clear: both; float: none; height: 20px; width: 600px; "><ul class="utilities" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; list-style: none; font-size: 11px; font-family: neutra-2-text-n4, neutra-2-text-1, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; "><li class="utility-fb-recommend" style="border: none; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; outline: 0px; float: left; height: 22px; width: 150px; overflow: hidden; "><iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.newyorker.com%2Fonline%2Fblogs%2Fborowitzreport%2F2013%2F01%2Frepublicans-apologize-to-top-15-per-cent.html&send=false&layout=button_count&width=450&show_faces=true&action=recommend&colorscheme=light&font&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true"></iframe></li><li class="utility-tweetmeme-sm" style="border: none; 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top: 0px; width: 90px; margin: 0px; border-style: none; left: 0px; visibility: visible; height: 20px; "></iframe></div></li></ul></div><div class="entry-content" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; float: left; width: 465px; line-height: 25px; "><article><p style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; "><img alt="boro-black-tie.jpg" width="465" height="310" class="mt-image-center" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px auto 20px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; text-align: center; display: block; " id="95adb102-b351-4959-99b4-4faa581956b2" apple-width="yes" apple-height="yes" src="cid:A4E7A72B-7B5E-4E9D-86DA-C677D5C37F15"></p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">WASHINGTON (<a href="http://bit.ly/NhEEu0" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); outline: 0px; ">The Borowitz Report</a>)—In the aftermath of the fiscal-cliff deal, Republicans in Congress issued a heartfelt apology to the top 1.5 per cent richest people in America, offering “messages of profound condolence” for allowing their taxes to increase slightly.</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">“Our hearts go out to them,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), still teary-eyed after hanging up the phone with a multimillionaire in Orange County, California. “We came to Washington to do the work of 1.5 per cent of the American people, and we didn’t get it done.”</p><div id="entry-more" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; "><p style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">The House Speaker said that he had spoken to several members of the top 1.5 per cent who were “understandably despondent” over seeing their taxes rise marginally as a result of the deal: “Some of them were so upset they even considered moving to Canada, until they found out the taxes were higher there.”</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">Mr. Boehner said that he tried to offer the wealthy consolation by reminding them that because of an increase in payroll taxes, millions of middle-class and working-class Americans would be suffering more than they would: “That usually put them in a better mood.”</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia) assailed the fiscal-cliff legislation today, calling it “a classic example of putting 98.5 per cent of the American people ahead of the rest of the country.”</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">Offering words of hope to the top 1.5 per cent, Mr. Cantor said, “In a few months we’ll have the next debate about the debt ceiling. As God is my witness, we will try to do a better job of bringing this nation to the brink of Armageddon.”</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; ">But to billionaires such as Harland Dorrinson, a longtime super-donor to the G.O.P., such assurances ring hollow: “If the fiscal-cliff deal is the kind of performance we can expect from Republican politicians, what’s the point of owning them?”</p><p style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; "><em><a href="http://bit.ly/pXhnZc" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); outline: 0px; ">Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox</a>.</em></p><div style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; outline: 0px; "><br class="webkit-block-placeholder"></div></div></article></div></div></div></div></div></div><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: left; "><br><br></span><br class="Apple-interchange-newline">----------------------------------------</div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Optima; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; ">sent from my new Mac Mini</div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Optima; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><br></div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Optima; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; ">==</div>
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