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</style><title>Test Your Post-Election I.Q.! : The New Yorker</title></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareWrapperClass" contenteditable="false"><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareUserContentTopClass" style="line-height: 14px !important; color: black !important; text-align: left !important; " applecontenteditable="true"><br></span><span class="Apple-Mail-URLShareSharedContentClass" style="position: relative !important; " applecontenteditable="true"><base href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2012/11/test-your-post-election-iq.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(48)"><div><div class="original-url"><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2012/11/test-your-post-election-iq.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz (48)">http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2012/11/test-your-post-election-iq.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(48)</a><br><br></div><div id="article" onscroll="articleScrolled();" class="auto-hyphenated" style="-webkit-locale: en; ">
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<div class="page" style="font-family: Palatino, Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4; "><h1 class="title">TEST YOUR POST-ELECTION I.Q.!</h1>
<p><a href="http://nyr.kr/RCV15a" target="_blank"><img alt="election_icon_opt.jpg" src="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/closeread/election_icon_opt.jpg" width="154" height="154"></a></p>
<p>• How many unqualified voters were estimated by the chief of police of Phoenix, Arizona, to have forged ballots using invisible ink, wrapped them around rocks, and flung them through polling-station windows while illegal-alien poll-watchers stood idly by, munching nachos and swigging Coronas?</p>
<p>• Immediately after the 2012 Presidential election, the electoral college announced that it is merging with a) the Federal Bureau of Threads and Screws, b) Phoenix University, c) the Broadway musical “Rebecca.” </p>
<p>• Every election-watcher knows that 2012 Presidential election absentee ballots were counted at absentee polling stations by absentee voting-precinct officials—but did these ballots count if they went to an absentee candidate? Answer: Delayed, still waiting for absent absentee-voting expert.</p>
<div><p>• New York tycoon Donald Trump failed to cast his Presidential vote because a) his ballot got tangled up in his hair and could not be dislodged before the polls closed; b) the Board of Elections refused to allow him to cast his own exclusive personal gold ballot featuring his photo portrait; c) he demanded to vote ten times to reflect his stature.</p>
<p>• True or False? Former Democratic V.P. candidate Sen. Joe Lieberman watched the returns by shuttling between two different TVs, one tuned to Fox and the other to PBS.</p>
<p>• Political analyst/gadfly/operative James Carville’s explanation of the election outcome was comprehended by: a) one Louisianan, b) two Louisianans, c) three people, counting his wife, Mary Matalin.</p>
<p>• True or False? Midwestern political activist Joe the Plumber demanded a recount of his vote.</p>
<p>• Lie or Otherwise? According to the citizen-action group O.B.A.M.A. (Obama Believes America Means Atheism), strong-arm thugs prevented God and Jesus from voting.</p>
<p>• Immediately following the closing of the polls, Michiganders For An
Even More Broke Michigan claimed that the government’s failed auto-bailout scheme deprived how many registered voters of their chance to cast their ballots because they had no cars to drive themselves to the polls in? Best guess_____ Second-best guess_____ Wild guess_____.</p>
<p>• False or True? Immediately after the polls closed, the Rick Perry Foundation think tank filed for bankruptcy due to lack of thoughts.</p>
<p>• Which Western-state gubernatorial candidate lost because of his open support for same-sex sports?</p></div>
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