[Occupymendocino] forwarded letter from Laurie York

Thu Apr 26 16:07:34 PDT 2018

I haven’t commented on the Hart family tragedy, until now. I’ve felt deep sadness since learning what happened only miles away from my home on the Mendocino Coast. I've followed the story to the latest news of one of the teenagers being pulled from the ocean. I’ve seen the family photos, I’ve read endless responses from outsiders and I’ve come to only one conclusion. When we experience a tragedy we humans want solid answers. If there are not clear answers then we have the option of forming our own opinions in an attempt to have control over a situation that is frightening and unimaginable.
So over the past weeks, instead of reacting (which I often do and later regret), I decided to step back and just observe and let my sadness be. A popular blog post I read this morning pointed to the “conclusion" that the Hart family mothers were mentally ill. The comments that followed echoed this theory with much anger toward the lesbian couple. There was so much hostility in this thread that if Jennifer and Sarah (by some miracle) were still alive I think some of these folks might want the chance to stone the couple to death. I was horrified by the level of anger that had escalated into a furious frenzy - an angry mob mentality. 
Many weeks ago, when I saw the first photos of the family I immediately knew this would be a huge story - in part because it had all the makings for controversial tabloid sensationalism - the extremely photogenic married lesbian mothers and their beautiful black adopted children. Here’s a family that fit outside what has for decades been perceived as “the social norm”. Over and over the hostile comments I read made me wonder if the issues of same-sex marriage, a bi-racial family and homophobia were fueling this thread's anger toward the mothers. I have no way of knowing, but the rage without compassion was troubling to me.
I have no answers or explanation for this tragic loss of life. Actually, the thing that meant the most to me was written by my friend, who posted the following on our local list serve. I’m grateful to my friend for her words that brought me back to my own heart and for all those who have expressed their unconditional compassion here in our community. I’ll close with this Buddhist saying and my friend's words.
"May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May all beings live in peace, free from hatred."
My friend wrote:
"Been being with the Hart family tragedy mostly via the computer screen, mainstream media, list-serve commentary. Then a few days ago my partner and I drove up to Juan Creek north of Westport. With flowers. On a whim.
In the rain.
After we left flowers on the cliff-side altar, two people got out of their car and walked towards us. They introduced themselves, Rachel and AJ, and asked if we knew the Harts. We said no, we just live around here. These two people were close friends of the Hart family and were very touched that strangers would come out in the rain. They have been here all week grieving, holding space, sending photos of the altar to their friends back home, and helping with the search efforts as well.
As locals we have the opportunity to ground in both our hearts and this place, to go outside and honor the lives that were lost. No matter the circumstances, the spirits of the 8 young people who so recently perished on this beautiful coast deserve to be respectfully reached out to. As does your very own heart who may likely be aching from all of this too.
So I invite anyone who is compelled and able to go (carpool?) to Juan Creek (north of Westport, just before highway 1 starts to go inland) and perhaps bring an offering - some flowers, or a song or poem or whatever it is you do to honor life and death and spirit. Simply being is certainly enough.
As such may we honor ourselves as humans, in community, connected by place and all this place holds - all the beauty and all the pain."

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Lisa Hafner <https://www.facebook.com/lisa.hafner.965?fref=ufi> Thank you!
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Molly McKay Williams <https://www.facebook.com/molly.mckay1?fref=ufi> Lovely post, Laurie - the Harts were friends of friends and I was always touched by Jen's beautiful posts about her family. I don't have any answers or explanations just a profound sadness.
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Vanna Kay Freeberg <https://www.facebook.com/vanna.freeberg?fref=ufi> Thank you Laurie! I feel like you do, just could never express it so eloquently. Blessings Be ♥
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Suzanne Healy Hewitt <https://www.facebook.com/suzanne.h.hewitt?fref=ufi> Thank you expressing what I'm sure many of us are feeling. This has been heartbreaking on so many levels. Each time I look at the ocean I find myself thinking about the two children who haven't been found. It's just so sad.
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Laurie York <https://www.facebook.com/laurie.york?fref=ufi> If any of my local friends want to join Carmen and me we're going to take flowers north of Westport for the Hart family in the next few days.
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Karen Howl <https://www.facebook.com/karen.howl?fref=ufi> Well said, Laurie. I really like what your friend wrote.
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Gerri Sorkin <https://www.facebook.com/gerri.sorkin?fref=ufi> Hopefully, somehow the truth of this tragedy will eventually be unraveled. Your observations are heart breaking and conjecture about anti-lesbian, anti- biracial families, or any other prejudiced vantage point is also heart breaking. Poor moms! Poor kids! Time will be needed to hopefully solve this, not random, angry speculations. Please take a few extra blossoms for me, Laurie.
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Annie Esposito <https://www.facebook.com/annie.esposito.98?fref=ufi> Thanks Laurie, for your compassion. I must admit I am having a lot of trouble with the idea that ANYONE would adopt little black children (who face so much already) and behave so recklessly, place them in danger, and cause their deaths. I don't know if I can ever become cosmic enough to forgive that. I appreciate loving beings such as yourself who have compassion for all; but I am really pretty angry for those kids.
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Sal Herrick <https://www.facebook.com/sal.herrick?fref=ufi> Thank You Laurie for your outlook on this. I have been not engaged with the discussion in the news as I felt here would be much negative conversation. Who knows what happened ? None of us were there, so the discussion of "why" is fruitless. It is su...See More <https://www.facebook.com/laurie.york/posts/10215332624564019#>2
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Claudia Paige <https://www.facebook.com/claudia.paige.3?fref=ufi> Its been hard as I hear folks up here in Oregon and Washington talk about them in such a different way then the horrible talk about them both being mentally ill. We will never know, really. I heard stories of right wing folks not liking Gay people or b...See More <https://www.facebook.com/laurie.york/posts/10215332624564019#>3
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Toni Brockington <https://www.facebook.com/toni.brockington?fref=ufi> Laurie,
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Toni Brockington <https://www.facebook.com/toni.brockington?fref=ufi> Your eloquence is touching and appreciated.
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Nancy Lou Milano <https://www.facebook.com/nancy.l.milano?fref=ufi> Dear Laurie, this is the most touching and real example of how our hearts should sometimes rule our minds. Thoughtful and well said. Thank you!
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Carrie Cullen <https://www.facebook.com/carrie.cullen1?fref=ufi> The only person I've talked to about this tragedy is my husband. We have been dumbfounded, heartbroken and flabbergasted. (Seriously) Some stories are just beyond ever figuring out and just so damned terrifyingly sad.
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Phil Goodyear <https://www.facebook.com/phil.goodyear.9?fref=ufi> Rip
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Susan Langford <https://www.facebook.com/susan.langford.71?fref=ufi> Thank You Laurie!
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Mary Goggin <https://www.facebook.com/mary.goggin.9?fref=ufi> Very touching Laurie - I too have been following the story but did not read any comments... I did read the stories of some neighbors who say the kids had come to them a few times asking for help and now just the other day I read that the mother who was driving was drunk... did you hear that? I can't imagine what those final moments for the kids must have been like - it is all a horrible tragedy.
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Suzi Marquess Long <https://www.facebook.com/Longonart?fref=ufi> Nobody knows the troubles, inner turmoil, and the deep-seated reasons for what happened, but compassion like yours makes us all feel better about things over which we have absolutely no control whatsoever. 👩‍❤️‍👩❤️💔
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Connie Gregg <https://www.facebook.com/connie.gregg.3?fref=ufi> Dearest Laurie....you are a loving healing light in a world full of darkness. Bless you and Carmen for having such loving hearts. <3
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Devora Rossman <https://www.facebook.com/devora.rossman?fref=ufi> Thank you, Laurie, for your beautiful and compassionate words.
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Jewels Marcus <https://www.facebook.com/jewelsjoyce?fref=ufi> Deeply touched by the tragic end of this family. Whether by alcohol or drug addiction or mental illness, or whatever, the desperation of the adults is terribly sad but the death of the children is of the greatest heartbreak. Thanks Laurie and for the kind and comforting words of your friend.
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Kristan Kelly Williams <https://www.facebook.com/kristan.kelly.williams?fref=ufi> A wonderful blessing & tribute to these people who were lost in life & for whatever reasons. I have also been torn emotionally over this story and I am sorry it was so close to home for you. That must be hard. My heart also goes out to the friends and family of the Hart Family. May they find peace in this chaos of media. ❤️
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Shira Lee <https://www.facebook.com/shira.lee.35?fref=ufi> Thank you Dear Laurie <https://www.facebook.com/laurie.york?hc_location=ufi> ~ for me, the only response can be compassion for everyone involved. Life, on this plane of reality, is both tenacious and fragile. May tenderness reign in our hearts ~ 🍃
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Sheila Murphy Esson <https://www.facebook.com/sheila.esson?fref=ufi> Well said. Thanks for sharing.
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Judith Franks <https://www.facebook.com/judith.franks.33?fref=ufi> Hopefully we will learn more about this horrific tragedy. There are many unknowns but whatever was going on in the minds of these women was not an act of love. One thing we know for sure is that there are six children who have no future now. My heart cries for them.
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Stephanie Goodyear <https://www.facebook.com/stephsgro?fref=ufi> Laurie,
I always appreciate how thoughtful your posts are, even when filled with pain. 
I have been reading a lot of Brené Brown and you just stated so naturally what took her years to find through thousands of hours of research. Humans are hardwired f...See More <https://www.facebook.com/laurie.york/posts/10215332624564019#>1
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Laurie York replied · 1 Reply
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Maya Brooke <https://www.facebook.com/maya.brooke.94?fref=ufi> I keep commenting and it disappears, but what I wanted to say is that I knew absolutely nothing about the Hart Family Tragedy until I read your heartfelt comments yesterday; then I read newspapers, articles, etc. It put a whole new perspective on the situation, and I'm glad I read your post first!
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