[Occupymendocino] Fwd: Elderly Banking

[Linda Jupiter]

> What a good idea!
> 
>  
>  
>  
> Elderly Banking...
> Shown  below, is an actual letter that was
> sent to a bank by an  86 year old woman.
>  
> The  bank manager thought it amusing enough
> to have it published in the New York Times.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear  Sir:
>  
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. 
>  
> By my calculations, 3 seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival
> in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
>  
> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
> of my entire pension, an arrangement which,
> I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
>  
> You are to be commended for seizing that 
> brief window of opportunity, and also for
> debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
> for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>  
> My thankfulness springs from the manner in
> which this incident has caused me to rethink my
> errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
> personally answer your phone calls and letters, 
> --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted
> by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
> faceless entity which your bank has become.
>  
> From now on, I, like you, choose only to
> deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
>  
> My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore
> and hereafter no longer be automatic, but
> will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
> personally and confidentially to an employee
> at your bank whom you must nominate.
>  
> Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
>  
> Please find attached an Application Contact which
> I require your chosen employee to complete.
>  
> I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
> that I know as much about him or her as your
> bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
>  
> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
> and the mandatory details of his/her financial
> situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
> must be accompanied by documented proof.
>  
> In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue
> your employee with a PIN number which
> he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>  
> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
> but, again, I have modeled it on the number
> of button presses required of me to access
> my account balance on your phone bank service.
>  
> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>  
> Let me level the playing field even further.
>  
> When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>  
> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,
> PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR  ENGLISH.
>  
> 1. To make an appointment to see me.
>  
> 2 To query a missing payment.
>  
> #3. To transfer the call to my living
> room in case I am  there.
>  
> #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom
> in case I am sleeping.
>  
> #5. To transfer the call to  my toilet
> in case I am attending to nature.
>  
> #6.  To transfer the call to my mobile
> phone if I am not at  home.
>  
> #7. To leave a message on my computer,
> a password to access my computer is required.
>  
> Password will be communicated to you at a later
> date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
>  
> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 again
>  
> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
>  
> The contact will then be  put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>  
> #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
>  
> While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>  
> Regrettably, but again following your example,
> I must also levy an establishment fee to cover
> the setting up of this new arrangement.
>  
> May I wish you a happy, if ever so
> slightly less prosperous New Year?
>  
> Your Humble Client
> 
> And  remember:
> Don't make old people mad, it doesn't take much to piss us off.
>  
> 
> 
>  
>  
> 

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