<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body style="overflow-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; line-break: after-white-space;"><div style="text-align: center;"><table role="presentation" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="body" width="100%" bgcolor="#fff" style="font-variant-caps: normal; caret-color: rgb(21, 33, 42); color: rgb(21, 33, 42); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); width: 1483px;"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" style="vertical-align: top;"> </td><td class="container" valign="top" style="vertical-align: top; display: block; max-width: 600px; margin: 0px auto;"><div class="content" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 600px;"><table role="presentation" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="main" width="100%" style="background-image: none; 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text-decoration: none; overflow-wrap: anywhere;"><img src="cid:8C76FF82-49F7-4E88-801D-7448D75D08B2" alt="James Humecky | Somatic Pleasure Therapist.png" border="0" height="44" style="border: medium; max-width: 100%; width: 44px; height: 44px; border-radius: 3px;"></a></td></tr><tr><td class="site-url site-url-bottom-padding" valign="top" align="center" style="vertical-align: top; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: -0.1px; font-weight: 700; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center; padding-bottom: 12px;"><div style="width: 560px;"><a href="https://jameshumecky.com/r/a2a87d19?m=19b2f444-f25e-4907-912e-3acd6db37c4a" class="site-title" target="_blank" style="text-decoration: none; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); overflow-wrap: anywhere;">JAMES HUMECKY | SOMATIC PLEASURE THERAPIST</a></div></td></tr></tbody></table></td></tr><tr><td class="post-title post-title-no-excerpt" valign="top" align="center" style="vertical-align: top; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); font-size: 36px; line-height: 1.1em; font-weight: 700; text-align: center; padding-bottom: 16px;"><a href="https://jameshumecky.com/r/d4c267b1?m=19b2f444-f25e-4907-912e-3acd6db37c4a" class="post-title-link" target="_blank" style="display: block; margin-top: 32px; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); line-height: 1.1em; text-decoration: none; overflow-wrap: anywhere;">Good Grief</a></td></tr><tr><td width="100%" valign="top" style="font-size: 18px; vertical-align: top; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); width: 560px;"><table class="post-meta-wrapper" role="presentation" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%" style="width: 560px; padding-bottom: 32px;"><tbody><tr><td height="20" class="post-meta post-meta-center" valign="top" align="center" style="vertical-align: top; color: rgb(115, 138, 148); font-size: 13px; text-align: center; padding: 0px;">By James Humecky • <span class="post-meta-date" style="white-space: nowrap;">6 Oct 2024 </span></td></tr><tr class="post-meta post-meta-center view-online-mobile" align="center" style="color: rgb(115, 138, 148); font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><td height="20" class="view-online" valign="top" align="center" style="vertical-align: top; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://jameshumecky.com/r/5ebcb46f?m=19b2f444-f25e-4907-912e-3acd6db37c4a" class="view-online-link" target="_blank" style="white-space: nowrap; color: rgb(115, 138, 148); overflow-wrap: anywhere;">View in browser</a></td></tr></tbody></table></td></tr><tr class="feature-image-row"><td class="feature-image feature-image-with-caption" align="center" width="100%" valign="top" style="vertical-align: top; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); text-align: center; width: 560px; padding: 0px; font-size: 13px;"><img src="cid:9FB42C2D-B948-4985-AFA9-E6E8545B5314" style="border: medium; max-width: 100%;" alt="Eat-the-rainbow-2.jpg"></td></tr><tr><td align="center" valign="top" style="font-size: 18px; vertical-align: top; color: rgb(21, 33, 42);"><div class="feature-image-caption" style="width: 560px; padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 32px; color: rgb(115, 138, 148); line-height: 1.5em; font-size: 13px;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Textures and moments of joy. Baldwin Beach, Pa'ia Maui, HI</span></div></td></tr><tr class="post-content-row"><td class="post-content-sans-serif" valign="top" style="vertical-align: top; font-size: 17px; line-height: 1.5em; color: rgb(21, 33, 42); padding-bottom: 20px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-color: rgb(229, 239, 245); max-width: 600px;"><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;"><strong>Reconnection and recollection</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">Recently I was sitting with my men’s group. It had been awhile since we all connected in one meeting. And by “awhile,” I mean probably more than a year and a half, and maybe even two…. yeah, THAT kind of awhile.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">A lot has transpired for all of us since that time, and it was good to connect again, and feel this group of strong men sharing deeply. Hearts were open and empathy was flowing strong and, partially because we are all in "that age group," the conversation turned to death, loss and grief. </p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">As you might imagine, that sparked a good deal of discussion, compassion, and remembering of loved ones. We have all experienced the loss of parents, siblings and friends; some, like myself, very recently.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">This conversation opened up that place of grieving in me again, and grief has been up front and present for me this whole year.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">My friend Richard died in July, and my youngest brother, Joel David, passed away on January 2nd this year. My oldest brother, Timothy Patrick, died two years before that in 2022. He was preceded by my mother, Loretta Ruth Agee in 2019, and my brother Matthew Thomas, in 2018.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">But beyond death, we (humanity) all have, or will, experience the loss of love, relationships, dreams, the innocence of childhood, homes and communities. I walked away from what was meant to be a beautiful life with a partner in Maui just one year ago.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">I know that I'm not alone or unique in experiencing death, and loss, and grief, but my grief is unique to me, and only I can deal with it.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;"><strong>Not a one and done</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">As my friend Ron reminded me that grief is not something that is just processed once and you're done; a couple of weeks, a good cry, spread some ashes, light a candle, and move on.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">Grief, when we allow ourselves to actually be open to our emotional selves, to the body’s non-verbal, sensate process, can and probably will linger, just to come up, unexpectedly, in subtle and sometimes cathartic ways.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">All of that grief seemed to coalesce in my body, the grief around lost relationships, lost love, lost family, lost friends, watching the losses happening around the world of people and places, human treasure, the storehouse of knowledge and history, seeming to crumbling right before our eyes. And I found myself in a state of deep grieving that stopped me in my tracks.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">Luckily, I have many avenues to process, people to process with, and enough experience to be able to sit with it, and know it will pass, no matter how horrible it feels.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;"><strong>Death becomes you</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">What I did learn in that space, maybe something I'd never fully realized, is how grief, and all emotions, memories, and our experiences, are just a part of our makeup. </p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">They are not negatives to be shoved away, or erased, or otherwise mitigated or let go. All those painful and uncomfortable sensations in my body, I learned, are those serrations in the bedrock of my being that create color, and texture.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">They are the anomalies that, when extracted, we find beautiful and useful. They are the things that create the intertwining weave of the fabric of our lives; our Coat of Many Colors.</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">It's these places and experiences, these joyful amalgamations that give meaning and purpose to life, to my life.</p><h3 id="the-grief-of-men" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><strong><em>The Grief of Men</em></strong></h3><h3 id="there-is-a-place-for-grieving" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>There is a place for grieving </em></h3><h3 id="with-and-among-men" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>with and among men </em></h3><h3 id="only-meant-to-be-witnessed" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>only meant to be witnessed </em></h3><h3 id="by-men" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>by men</em></h3><h3 id="this-grieving-for-loss%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>This grieving for loss…. </em></h3><h3 id="lost-love" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>lost love </em></h3><h3 id="lost-friends" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>lost friends </em></h3><h3 id="lost-family" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>lost family </em></h3><h3 id="and-maybe-more-the-lost-innocence" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>And maybe more the lost innocence </em></h3><h3 id="the-lost-hearts-and" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>The lost hearts and </em></h3><h3 id="the-loss-of-our-creative-souls%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>The loss of our creative souls… </em></h3><h3 id="our-souls%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>our souls…</em></h3><h3 id="my-wish" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>My wish </em></h3><h3 id="my-desire" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>my desire </em></h3><h3 id="is-to-grieve-with-you-my-friend" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>is to grieve with you my friend </em></h3><h3 id="to-grieve-with-and-for-the-men-in-my-life" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>to grieve with and for the men in my life </em></h3><h3 id="men-who-have-put-away-the-things-of-the-heart" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>men who have put away the things of the heart </em></h3><h3 id="who-reside-in-the-gray" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>who reside in the gray </em></h3><h3 id="who-scream-into-an-abyss" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>who scream into an abyss </em></h3><h3 id="into-the-chaos-of-separation%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>into the chaos of separation…</em></h3><h3 id="as-we-are-asked-to-put-away-our-masculinity-in-favor-of" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>as we are asked to put away our masculinity in favor of </em></h3><h3 id="man-hood" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>man-hood </em></h3><h3 id="to-be-less-by-degrees%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>to be less by degrees… </em></h3><h3 id="to-digress-into-agreeableness" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>to digress into agreeableness.</em></h3><h3 id="who-will-stand-to-watch" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>Who will stand to watch </em></h3><h3 id="to-hold" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>to hold </em></h3><h3 id="to-grieve-%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>to grieve … </em></h3><h3 id="this-silent-whittling-away-of-that-which-stems-the-tide-of-oblivion" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>this silent, whittling away of that which stems the tide of oblivion </em></h3><h3 id="that-roars-down-the-sun" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>that roars down the sun </em></h3><h3 id="that-empties-the-sky-so-the-moon-can-shine-%E2%80%A6-in-peace-%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>that empties the sky so the moon can shine … in peace …</em></h3><h3 id="there-is-no-place-left-here-for-rage" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>There is no place left here for rage </em></h3><h3 id="the-righteous-rage-of-a-man-undone" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>the righteous rage of a man undone</em></h3><h3 id="swept-into-the-maudlin-flow" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>swept into the maudlin flow</em></h3><h3 id="it%E2%80%99s-time-to-grieve" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>It’s time to grieve </em></h3><h3 id="it-is-time-to-beat-our-chests" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>It is time to beat our chests </em></h3><h3 id="to-raise-our-voices-in-bestial-chorus" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>To raise our voices in bestial chorus</em></h3><h3 id="there-is-a-place-for-grieving-1" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>There is a place for grieving </em></h3><h3 id="with-and-among-men-1" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>with and among men </em></h3><h3 id="for-men-%E2%80%A6" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>for men ….. </em></h3><h3 id="by-men-1" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>by men </em></h3><h3 id="grieving-for-loss" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>Grieving for loss </em></h3><h3 id="and-the-path-undone" style="line-height: 1.11em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; font-size: 26px;"><em>and the path undone</em></h3><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;">~James Humecky</p><p style="margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; line-height: 1.6em;"><em>Thank you for being part of this space. 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